Why I’m Spending My Kids’ Inheritance on Resonance

David Berlin (far left) in a recent conversation at the Resonance Centre for Social Evolution.

Why I’m Spending My Kids’ Inheritance on Resonance

Curator's Note: David Berlin has been a tireless thought-leader his whole life, focusing on politics with The Bridge Party, co-founder of The Walrus Magazine, publishing many books, and now working to reimagine community life through collective-decision making and facilitation. In the following text, David reflects on what excites him about the up-coming Resonate!2017 event put on by The Resonance Centre for Social Evolution.

Sex is great. Especially when you are young… All the hugging and kissing and stuff that young people do… keep doing when they get older, except that now… sometimes… by a process that remains quite a mystery to me, they also get pregnant… It is a mystery how that happens.

I recall, it was actually not that long ago, that I tried to explain to my rather precocious 2 ½-year-old granddaughter where babies come from. I said “you know, usually a woman and a man...” and then, remembering I was living in the 21st century, quickly switched to PC: “usually but hardly always, two people kiss and hug and then they have a baby.” Julia looked at me as if I had fallen off La Lune. “Mama kisses and hugs me,” she said. “Are we gonna have a baby?” I said, “maybe.” Julia said “NOOO WAAY!” and left me for a popcicle which my smiling wife, Deborah, thankfully held out. “Grandpa, was joking right?” Deborah said. “He is a jow-ker,” Julia said and traipsed out to our backyard. I may be a joker, but to perfectly honest, that is the way I remember sex. You kiss and hug and then, voila! Three kids, or maybe four, can’t remember. Maybe there’s more to it… can’t remember.

But even if I could, I wouldn’t, ‘cause I am not here to praise sex but to bury it, not for everybody, and not forever but for now and for here. And though I suspect that many of the younger crowd won’t believe me, may even begin looking around for a popcicle of their own, still, I want and intend to talk a little, say a little about something better than sex — namely “Platonic Love.”  

  For the length of the conversation, all that exists is the opportunities that this conversation creates.

This and not eros, is the kind of love that makes resonance possible. I should put it more firmly; this and only this kind love is what makes resonance possible. To be sure, a little sex on the side never hurt, but hey. Don’t let Jocasta or Peter or Chuck or any other of our illustrious Resonate!2017 hosts tell you different. Resonance; the idea that one head should suddenly consist of at least two participants, the possibility of producing the music of the spheres; this depends on chemistry and chemistry is magic and magic happens randomly and by accident except when it doesn’t.

When does resonance occur necessarily and not randomly? When it begins in love, when at least two interlocutors, listen not literally as children listen; listen not for what the other is not saying, as critics listen; listen not for a point of agreement as collaborators listen; listen not for the evanescent point of consensus as the starry eyed Occupiers listened; but as women and men committed to creating a common identity listen.

Resonance depends on the kind of love that commits to, and goes about creating, a common identity that is able to embrace all those whose input constituted this identity. It depends on the interlocutor’s power and desire to to bracket off the identity each brings to the table; our baggage, our own, often very legitimate concerns need to be left outside of the circle. For the length of the interaction we need to forget that they exist, dare I say, forget that we exist? For the length of the conversation, all that exists is the opportunities that this conversation creates. Everything we bring to the table except all our desire and all our power to listen to one another, except for that, everybody weakens the resonance. For the moment and in the moment, one must submit entirely to the need and to the desire to create an all embracing identity — a winged one, capable of independence, able to take flight, a dove and an eagle — a ‘deagle’ or something even more mythic.

Successful resonance requires that all participants in a conversation, for the length of the conversation, treat one another and themselves as well, as if they were usage, grist, stem cells all the way down. It requires that we forget we were created in order to create not an amalgam, a chimera of welds, a relation of unlike to unlike, but an identity constituted of vastly different material melted down and reconstituted like a phoenix of fire and water.

Over time, such a process does take more than a long weekend worth of work. Over time, we will perhaps find ourselves able to do that much and if we succeed, perhaps we will even discover an opportunity to press our efforts with the stamp of eternity. Then we who began as strangers, will have become a community, not neighbours, or folk who happen to share a purse filled with copper values; but something gold, something proper, an exemplary community; one which will become capable of reaching out to other communities struggling to become just as exemplary. And then. There is more. Then together we could build a new nation and a new world.

I am here to hear and to be heard. I am here to resonate. I am here to learn. Most of all I am here. 

Visit Resonate!2107 to learn more about the event or to register. Also visit www.ResonanceCentre.com.


Resonance and commitment to other things besides relatives and heirs is one thing, often a great thing -- but the main reason parents are leaving less to heirs, or nothing at all, is because towards the end of their life, so many middle class middle  simply have spent their savings on healthcare, on emergencies, on living and higher cost of living, and in fact some are just plain selfish and spend excess money on themselves, on vacations and eating out and nice clothes and a few luxuries, rather than skimping to have more to leave their heirs... And then, looking at this from the other side, from the heirs' point of view, you have multitudes of disappointed grown children or aging parents whose assets are dwindling at the end of their lives -- and let's not kid ourselves, frequently heirs of active estates know they will be getting, in a year or two after probate ends  for example, a smaller inheritance than they had hoped for – and these are often middle class heirs that don't have savings or great credit, or strong cash flow, in fact many are carrying a great deal of debt... many are flat out unemployed, and can't borrow from a bank or credit union…  So those distressed heirs will frequently put an effort into getting a loan on inheritance as soon as possible -- to borrow money against their inheritance – I think to make themselves feel a little better about getting less than they thought they’d be inheriting -- without invasive questions and stress from a bank or credit union.  Most of  these disappointed heirs and beneficiaries jump online right away and apply to inheritance loan companies, companies that lend on inheritance, for  probate cash from a probate loan or estate loan, and generally start to enjoy life flush with cash and get rid of unwanted debt – usually for the first time in their life, despite the low-ish middle class inheritance they’re expecting.  By the time those heirs are approved by an inheritance loan company for a probate loan or estate loan, plus get inheritance advance rates and inheritance loan fees to get the best probate loan or inheritance advance terms – most of these heirs are like a fat kid in a candy shop, looking at inheritance loans, easy probate loans,  72 hour loans on inheritance, or even 48 hour inheritance loan advances or probate cash advance funds on a trust, or whatever large inheritance  advance or small advance inheritance or probate loan, estate loan or inheritance advance assignment they eventually  get approved for by their inheritance loan, probate cash advance or probate loan firm, usually an established,  well known probate loan outfit like www.heiradvance.com, www.inheritanceadvance.com, or maybe niche inheritance advance companies or inheritance loan companies like www.inheritancenow.com. Fast probate cash like this from loans while waiting for inheritance, loans against an inheritance, loans based on inheritance, or inheritance loan advances seem to help these heirs feel better right away. It doesn’t generate a larger inheritance for them so they can't really spread themselves out as widely as they'd like...However it certainly appears to make things easier all the way around. Which is great.  And this is the more common reason elderly middle class parents are spending most or all of their kids' inheritance these days before they pass on to the better world.